Projects
My life at work - the trials & tribulations!!

There's something about Raghu

7:56 AM

Raghunath Giliyaru
*********************

Age : 33 (approx - give or take 1 year)
Status : Very Happily married (when wife is in town)
Profession : Project Manager at Lionbridge
Pastimes : Yahoo Chat and Walks in the Sun (with u know who)
Special Asset: Very mischevious smile
Other PROs : Doesn't Drink, ensures he is home for lunch, works weekends, nice guy
All in all - he's a great guy to have around!!

Some snaps from his Office Routine...

Intensely Tense

Underhand dealings

That smile we mentioned a lil while back - this is it!!!

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A Historical Perspective - Unsolved crimes

7:55 PM
This is what could have happened.
Well - actuall these incidents did happen. They all happened to a gentleman by the name of Mr. Vivek Sethi.
I donot refer herein - to any particular individual - just the name as it comes up in the Google search. The links are given below for further reference.

Lawyer killed in mishap,Tribune News Service
Chandigarh, December 22Mr Vivek Sethi, an advocate at the Punjab and Haryana High Court, died here tonight after being run over by a vehicle in Sector 5. He was around 40 years old.Mr Sethi, a resident of Sector 7, was walking along with his wife, Manju, when the mishap took place. He was taken to the PGI, where he was declared brought dead.
http://www.tribuneindia.com/2002/20021223/cth1.htm

Man killed, 2 abducted,Tribune News Service
Chandigarh, April 19A man was killed in a road accident, when the scooter he was pillion riding with his son was hit by a Ford car (DL-6CC-0800) near Punjab Engineering College, Sector 12 late last night.
The victim Om Prakash was declared as brought dead at the PGI at about 11: 54 pm. The driver of the car, Suraj Prakash Singh, was arrested under section 279, 337, 304-A of the IPC and was later released on bail.
Two AbductedA 17-year-old girl is alleged to have been abducted by Madan Singh Adhikari on April 15 from her residence in Burail. Another 17 year old girl was abducted by Vivek Sethi on April 18 from residence in Sector 23. In both the cases, complaints under sections 363 and 366 of the IPC have been registered.
http://www.tribuneindia.com/2001/20010420/cth1.htm

Wonder if they ever got the second case solved???
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How to Kill a Lion..

4:08 AM
Cognizant Method:
hire a lion... ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.
give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.
hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit
give them same gobi 65 to eat
hire 200 more....... and more .......

TCS method:
hire a lion
give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary
lion dies of hunger and frustration

Kanbay Method:
Hire a Cat;
give him a salary of a Lion...
Give him work of 3 Lions
Tell him to work late and even on weekends...
No time for food and family, automatically die

Infy method:
hire a lion and ask him to meow like a cat ..
he will die eventually of frustration...

IBM's metbod:
hire a lion,
give him a pink slip in an hour ...
he dies of unemployment...

Syntel Method:-
Hire a Cat ...
assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and make sure that he never reaches onsite.
Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion....

MBT method:
hire the lion,
make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn't score > 60% he will lose the job.
lion dies of the strain?

i-Flex method:
hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion,
send him in African safari for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories,
tell him if he comes alive he will get band movement (promotion)
holy cow dies in fear of the real lion

COSL Method:
hire a lion .. tell him to merge with Goats (polaris) and reduce his allowance...
lion dies from fear that tommorrow he might become a goat....

Polaris Method :
hire ..sorry....purchase a lion(COSL) ...
change his timings...(instead of 9 AM ...change it to 8:30 AM )
cut down his allowance (coupons etc)
lion dies from fear of becoming CAT.....

Silverline Method:
hire a lion, declare a scandal and dont pay him...
he dies of hunger...

Quinnox method:
hire the lion. either give him no work or ask for a premature delivery.
Lion either dies of boredom or intense physical & mental activity...

Patni method:
hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat...
the lion dies before joining....

Nucsoft method:
hire a lion,give him job of grass eating (IBBS Support)..
the lion dies from lack of eating meat...

Satyam method:
hire a lion,
give him net access.. no work.. and deport him to Chennai centre...
no water.. no electricity.. no hindi speaking ppl... lion dies in oblivion......

Wipro method:
hire a lion...
give him lots of work...
transfer him to Wipro Lights division..
lion dies due to Lightness...

Mastek method:
hire a lion...
ask him to align himself with anything and everything...
ask him to fill complicated competency forms...
differ increments and pay him salary of a cat...
lion dies due to fear of getting mis-aligned or starvation...

and finally - the billion $ question - How do they kill lions at Lionbridge?





what lions???
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The Final Round!!!

10:45 PM
There's a boxer in the red corner and one in the blue. Our HR department plays the refree.

Round 1 and Ms.B is calling the shots. She has things going her way because everybody is listening.

Round 2 and the crowd is fuming - she's going over the top. Her bashing is getting stronger. She doesn't play it subtle - always applying the right hook!

Round 3- people are up in arms. I protest!! The reporting shifts to Vikram. Breadth of fresh air. The one Sane person I can match. She hates me for being able to get away.

Round 4 - the exits begin. First the projects and then the people. I'm still there.

Round 5 - her bashing continues. The fight is getting ferocious. Now people do manage to stand up to her and say their piece. Pleas fall on deaf ears. Even the biggies don't listen. It seems like she has them wrapped around her fingers.

Round 6 - I'm outta here. NIIT, in fact, any place would be saner than this. I did spend 45 minutes in the HR dept - giving them my point of view.

The Final Round is still to be played out. Trust I have done my bit!!
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Playing Meeting - Meeting

12:12 AM
John shows the finger
Here's a collection of snaps taken during our various meetings. They're from the period March - November 2005.
Given the transient nature of this job - certain faces will vanish. There are however, a few pillars that never seem to fall... so hang on..... and enjoy the fun.












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The Life & Times of Ms.B

5:10 AM
I really wonder what makes her tick... or is she really thick?

She drives us nuts, as she opens her guts
So here's what I have to say to her. Please take your Pick.. all lines are applicable!!!

Hi there, I'm a human being!

What are you?I've seen more life in a down and out's vest

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?

Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.

Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.

You're about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder

All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo.

I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high.

You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.

If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO!

You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.

I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.

Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?

Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?

Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

I heard when you were a child your Mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much.

You must be an experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

You! Off my planet!

Whilst every girl has the right to be ugly, you seem to have abused that privelige!

I'd like to leave you with one thought...unfortunately I ain't sure you have anywhere to put it!

So now we know why some mammals eat their children...
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My Favourite "Smile" at work

1:27 AM

That's Sarbani......my favourite smile at work!!!

She's the Skill Head for the Writing Team and one of my favourite persons at LB.

Her smile - when I get to see it - is the brightest one around.

I'm gonna miss her at NIIT.
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Evening Meetings

11:07 PM
I'm sitting in a meeting - Thursday 10th Nov .

This is getting on my nerves. All the ranting is making me jumpy.
Vivek is exercising his boss' privilege to the hilt. He is going on and on and on.

My sleep is catching up with me now. I haven't slept for 39 hours now. I simply don't have the patience to endure the torture any more of this. Ms.B is enjoying it - like in a trance or something.

We just got off a client call - and after that the ranting is taking its toll!!!

No solutions - just the talk :-(
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My Last working weekend at LB (Hopefully)!!

12:24 AM
Yeah - I certainly hope so.
We're doing the testing for one of my projects today. A lot of it should be done.
Then the handoff to MS late next week.

I hope to be down in Nagpur next weekend spending quality time with my lady. The weekend after that to pack up and start the transportation. Then I'm home!!!

We're supposed to get the Saturdays and Sundays off from work.
I've spent more than 45 days of the 104 allotted holidays at work, in the last year. Speaks a lot for my hard work or inefficient work, as the case may be. Project commitments require us to use the weekends to play catch up. Nobody likes it - but that's the way it is.
Our focus has always been on making that delivery - it's never been the people. I am as much to blame for that as the Powers above me. Things will not change here - I know that for a fact - unless we have no projects at all. That again will not happen - so happy workin' folks!!!
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Interesting work acronyms

12:24 PM

AFLO
Another Fucking Learning Opportunity. The project post mortem

AHOYA
Asshole Of The Year Award.Lots of contenders for this one. Wonder who should get it - old age or continued failures.

AKUTA
A Kick Up The Arse.What i'd like some of my vendors to be.

BURP
Bankrupt Unemployed Rejected Person. Another one for the vendors.

ATNA
All Talk No Action. Definitely the trait for members higher in the value chain.

AWOL
Absent Without Leave. This is what i'd like to be. Only problem is that i have way too many leaves available.

BDU
Brain Dead User. The HR department

BHAG
Big Hairy-Arsed Goal. The polite version 'Big Hairy Audacious Goal' doesn't have quite the same ring to it (no pun intended).

CADET
Can't Add, Doesn't Even Try. We know who this is - righhtttt - challenged with numbers

BIAT
Boss Is A Twat. No nonsense here... one of the more direct modern workplace acronyms.

BMT
Before My Time. This is the feeling when you clean up someone elses shit.

BMW
Bitch, Moan and Whine/Whinge. Behaviour that can be exhibited by a group when stressed, demotivated or unhappy with their situation.

BOHICA
Bend Over, Here It Comes Again. Every new project.

CRAFT
Can't Remember A Fucking Thing.

FOBIO
Frequently Outwitted By Inanimate Objects. I know a male program manager who wins this one hands down.

DILLIGAFF
Do I Look Like I Give A Flying Fuck? Gimme 2 weeks and hear me say this - aloud!!!

FIAT
Fart In A Trance. Every organization has a person who seems to be perpetually in FIAT mode. Most of us experience being in this state at least a couple of times a week, especially Mondays after heavy weekend, or while captive in corporate presentations or boring training sessions.

FUBAR
Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition. My state of mind a month ago.

GMC
Garbage Made Carefully. Some of the work we get from our vendors.

IBM
I Blame Microsoft. Our favourite line at work - literally!!!

JTFL
Just Too Fucking Late. Amusing acronym for what happens when JIT fails to work properly.

MELVIN
Mediocrity, Ego, Limits, Vanity, Incompetence, Name-calling. The traits required to get to the top

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About Me

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traveling life's quaint paths and making my own destiny...

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